And I intend to, soon (TM) of course. It’s been a crazy few months, glorious and confusing and fast paced and wonderful. Not dead yet, dear hearts, never fear!
Hey guys! I know it’s been a bit since I’ve written anything on this blog. It’s not that I’m inactive, but it’s just that life has been really crazy these past few months.
For those who don’t know, I don’t live in the best home environment. I moved home in December of 2014 as my final go at the University I was attending kind of busted. I came back to save money and get back on my feet, so I didn’t have to struggle as much, and it was only an hour to an hour and a half away from my best friends. However, as much as I love her, my mother and I have an extremely unhealthy relationship. While she has her loving moments, for many years she’s been cruel and both emotionally and verbally abusive towards me, with rare bouts of physical as well. I don’t want to get into super graphic details, but the short of it is that I spiraled into a depressive hole. Keeping a job was hard, working on art was impossible, I struggled to function between the lack of ADHD medication/regulation, living in an environment that was high stress and extremely controlling and a deep sense of self loathing.
These past few months have finally seen some changes, although the home situation has only gotten more tense. I’ve been lucky though, and I’ll be moving in with two lovely friends at the end of the week. It’s only a partial move, since we’ll be finding a bigger place together in July, and the leaving is very abrupt, since my parents are out of town and I’ll be leaving right before they return. It’s not the most mature of moves but it’s what I have to do, since trying to leave elsewise will result in a large fighting and screaming match as well as threats to keep me here. It’s not that my mother wants me here always, but she doesn’t want me leaving until she feels that I’ll be 100% set to succeed. But life isn’t like that, ever, and while I’m here I can’t pursue art fully, which is what I want to do for a career. I’m 26 and it’s time to take life into my own hands.
Anyway, I’ll be dealing with this for a bit longer, then I’ll hopefully have more time for writing. I’m also setting up an art portfolio tumblr! Whoo!
Just wanted to toss out a general sort of update thing. In a few weeks to a month, I should be stable and writing on a regular basis ❤
I was checking out my old to-play list I had set up, and realized that in addition to adding a few new games to the list, I wanted to swap it up some. I do want to play things in relative order and what not, BUT I also get a bit bored with the same time of gameplay over and over and over, ya know?
Also, I’m splitting the list between PC games and PS2/3DS ones, because I kind of don’t always want to be on one system or the other, so it allows for flexibility. Plus I’m not always in the mood for my PS2 games, as much as I love them, so I like picking them up and putting them down as I please.
Diablo 3 (finish)
Borderlands 2 (replay)
Borderlands the Pre-sequel
Path of Exile
Fallout: New Vegas
The Cat Lady
Dragon Age Origins
Diablo 2 (replay)
Mass Effect 2
Mass Effect 3
I have a lot more games I’ll want to play after I finish this list but DAMN IT I’m finishing this list!
PS2 and 3DS List
Kingdom Hearts (replay)
Kingdom Hearts Re:Chain of Memories
Kingdom Hearts 358/2 Days
Kingdom Hearts 2 (replay/finish)
Kingdom Hearts Re:Coded
Kingdom Hearts Dream Drop Distance
Baldur’s Gate: Dark Alliance (replay)
Baldur’s Gate: Dark Alliance 2 (replay)
God of War (replay)
God of War II
Champions of Norrath (replay)
Champions: Return to Arms (replay/finish)
Jak & Daxter (replay)
Jak 2 (replay)
Jak 3 (replay/finish)
Jak & Daxter: The Lost Frontier
Xenosaga I (replay/finish)
Ratchet & Clank (replay)
Ratchet & Clank: Going Commando
Ratchet & Clank: Up Your Arsenal (replay/finish)
Ratchet & Clank: Size Matters
Hey guys! It’s 2016! WHOOO!!!!
2015 was a pretty shoddy year for me, so I’m super happy that it is over. I’m really hoping that being on ADHD medication will help my focus, plus I have some excellent friends helping me with this transition. I hammered out my organizational systems that I’m going to be using for the year, which I may or may not talk about later in an ADHD related post.
I’ve tried really hard this year to set some solid goals while not going overboard. Most years, I write these huge, fucking elaborate lists that just….they never happen, even after the big production of making them. So this year, it’s about actually following what I put down. It’s about planning in reasonable amounts AND accomplishing the goals I set with my plans.
This year is also about trying to get my life in order. I’m not going to say it’s the year for getting my shit together because, honestly, no one ever has their shit together 100%. They just don’t. But I can work on getting myself established and moving towards a career goal of sorts. And after a lot of consideration, I think I realize what I’d like to do with my life.
By the end of 2020, I want to be at a high enough skill set and in a place in life where I can be a professional, full time artist.
Now, I know that this isn’t an easy road. This is an irl grind that breaks many a strong person, and some would call me foolhardy for pursuing it. Thing is, there isn’t a lot that I love in life- granted, there isn’t much I hate either. Usually, most everything for me falls in between liking a fair bit and disliking a fair bit, but very little sticks over time. I have hobbies that I cycle through a lot because of this, I get bored and I end up needing to trade something out for a time.
Yet, for all of my life, art has always been there for me in some capacity. I remember sketching and doodling for hours when I was younger. Most of it was absolute drek and was actually the same thing over and over, but there were really good things too, and I remember the sense of accomplishment for making something lovely.
I’ve been considering art as a career path for a bit now, but I wasn’t sure. And then the other day, after drawing a gift for a friend, I realized that I absolutely loved seeing something I’ve created come to life. I was…proud of myself. That’s not a feeling I’ve gotten for a long time. After the troubles I had in college and life, it is rare that I feel accomplished about anything. I often feel that I’m just a failure and it brings down even the most positive moments if I let that feeling in. Yet, after finishing that piece, that doubt was swept aside when I realized…I really love art. Even if at points it gets frustrating, even if I’m not always happy with myself, even if I have weak moments, I can DO this. And I know that it will never get old, because it’s always been there for me.
This is not an easy road to travel, but I am willing to do it, because it will be worth it in the end. To be able to get the sense of accomplishment, to watch my work come to life, to build myself…I crave this. I need it like a person wandering in the desert needs shade and water. After years of crippling self-doubt and fucking up so badly, I NEED to see my hard work pay off in front of me. The older generation may say that this smacks too much of instant gratification, but I say that we need a combination of seeing results now and working towards the future. You can’t just do the latter, no human can. We need to see our work blossom now as well as stepping forward.
So, yeah. I’ve made a big 5 year goal…the first in a long time. And I’m so excited.
And now for my actual 2016 resolution and goals!
My resolution for the year is actually more emotional than any sort of physical ‘goal’, per se, but it is no less important. This year, I want to put myself first, to work on loving myself and to learn to be able to appreciate my own accomplishments and acknowledge them, instead of putting myself down.
For concrete goals, I do have a fair few, but I feel they are all able to be accomplished and all worthwhile.
-I will move out of my current city and down to the city where I used to live/the surrounding area. It’s a better job market, a better environment and all my friends are there too. This is vital for mental health as well as for helping me cope with more responsibility.
-I will get a solid office job in this area as well, to support myself and allow for savings. I need regular hours to help my mind focus and I’m pretty decent with office work, so it’s the logical place for me to go.
-I will establish an actual savings account by the end of the year, instead of just ‘setting money aside’ for things. I have to have myself taken care of and be able to cope with emergencies.
-I will improve my budget making skills and abide by one on a regular basis to encourage good habits, save and help curb my impulse buying.
-I will finish my current, very overdue art queue by the end of January. This is crucial so that I can move forward in my art and present myself in a more professional manner.
-I will establish a regular working pattern for commissions to help push towards a more professional business model.
-I will expand my knowledge of my current art program, Easy Paint Tool Sai, including doing things like actually reading tutorials, etc, instead of doing just the bare minimum to get by.
-By the end of the year, I will have made my own website for taking commissions and to show off my working portfolio.
-By the end of the year, I will have worked on not only my anthro art (as most of my commissions currently come from the furry fandom) but will also be practicing and working on fantasy and humanoid art.
-I will continue to work and improve my management of the online resources of the Tradition, finishing things in a more timely manner as well as working on helping bring the community together, keeping things fresh and engaging.
-I will be more active on my own blog as well, posting regularly. Regular writing helps form an external sense of accountability, sharpens writing skills, expands online presence and is just a general fantastic habit in my mind.
-At the end of April, I will run my first half-marathon. My personal goal is under 2:00:00, and the goals my friends have added are placing in the top half of my age/gender group.
-I will meet a goal weight for myself by the end of the year where I feel self confident and enjoy my appearance, but that is also healthy and maintainable with an active and healthy lifestyle that does not require an insane regimen to do so.
-I will run a large race between June and December, to continue my running and fitness work. Running is very beneficial to my mind as well as body and I should continue pushing forward even after my half-marathon.
-I will work on maintaining my personal spiritual practice as well as involving more witchcraft into my daily life. I’m an initiated Witch, I need to get down and dirty more and stop being so theoretical all the time.
-I will organize and downsize my possessions. Quality over quantity should be my motto, with pretty much everything. Except books, because I don’t think it’s possible for me to get rid of a book. Ideally I will do a fair bit of this before I move, but some may have to take place after.
-I will read on a regular basis. This may seem kind of silly and basic, but sometimes one of my biggest passions gets obscured by the rest of the faster paced parts of life. I need my reading time.
So yeah, these are my goals for the year. It’s a lot, but they can definitely all be accomplished. I’ve got to work hard and push regularly towards them, but I know I can do this. I’ve got this shit on lock, and I’m going to blow 2016 out of the water.
I’m hoping to get at least one solid post on here a week, especially since I’ll be moving a lot of my more personal things to here (instead of FA or tumblr).
I hope you guys had a boss New Years and a kick ass weekend. Think about your own personal goals and totally hit me with what you have planned if you feel up to it!
I figure I’d give any new readers a bit of background on me, but instead of doing any of the general boring stuff, I’m going to break it down in reference to the main topics I’m going to discuss, because else wise I’ll forget whatever I was talking about and end up rambling. This is how my brain works.
Paganism, Witchcraft, Spirituality and Other Such Related Things
I’ve been researching paganism and witchcraft since I was 14/15 years old (sometime my freshman year of high school, more or less), so it’s been just over a decade now. Like many who find paganism today, I was introduced through a friend (specifically their book, which happened to be Teen Witch by Silver RavenWolf) and found myself reading up more and more about Wicca through whatever I could lay my hands on. I borrowed that friend’s copies of books and copied so much information on bus rides to cross country meets that it was kind of silly. Eventually I found out about copy machines and made my life a bit easier.
Soon I was able to get my hands on books I could actually keep, as well as getting better internet access. I kept researching for years, with mostly a literary background. I branched out from Wicca pretty quickly and soon moved on to find my spiritual home in a combination of panentheism, animism and polytheism, with the primary body of my religious focus being towards the Greek pantheon, with Celtic influences here and there. In terms of Witchcraft, I am a member and initiate of a mostly local tradition, The Forest’s Edge. I am one of the main blog authors and keep up a fair bit of our electronic presence. My Witchcraft is a combination of the hedge, green and hearth variety, with some other flavors woven in between of course. I think that’s about it for me in that department!
Video Games, Nerdy Things
Well, I’ve always kind of played video games, but as a kid I really sucked at them. I always had to start and restart things and I got angry and deleted my save files a lot. The first game I ever really got into was probably Crash Bandicoot Warped, goodness I loved that game. I went from the NES to a Playstation, so I kind of skipped some gens. I got a PS2, and it’s still my only console right now. As for handheld, my parents didn’t really find a point in them. I got a GBC from a yardsale for $5 and then eventually got a DS, then a 3DSXL, which is what I have now.
I do most of my gaming on my desktop and go through spurts of being an avid PC gamer, but my attention wavers from time to time. I play a fair bit of WoW, but am on a hiatus for now. I am also playing Guild Wars 2, but haven’t had a ton of time to play lately. I have a huge to play list right now, so there’s that.
I also love D&D and will be doing some character writing about those babs as well as my WoW characters/GW2 characters most likely. I love character writing and development.
I tend to read a lot of fantasy and some science fiction and love a lot of different series across many different forms of media. You’ll see more of this as time goes on!
ADHD and Mental Health
I suffer from combined type ADHD and it wrecks my life a large amount of the time. Trying to get back on medication and learning to establish different systems that work for me, each day is a bit of a struggle to maintain any sort of focus. I’ll be writing about this to show what works for me, what doesn’t, and hopefully help others who struggle.
I also suffer from a plethora of anxiety and have attacks from time to time, and I definitely have some coping mechanisms that will be hopefully useful to others.
I’ve always been into art at a surface level, but I’m trying to push myself farther in now, so that eventually I can pursue it as a career. I know, it’s never an easy path, but I find creating things quite rewarding and digital art has expanded the ability to get yourself out there into the world.
Most of my art right now is done for the Furry fandom, but I’d like to get into high fantasy art eventually. I really love digital painting, goodness, and I want to push towards that.
I’ll be posting my sfw art up here and links to the nsfw stuff (since I’m not sure everyone wants to see NSFW furry prons lol). I’ll probably post pin ups here though. Shouldn’t be a huge deal, I’ll put up a warning on the blog title for those ❤
Fitness, Food and Such
I’m losing weight and starting to train for a half marathon. I love food. I ran all through middle school and high school, took several years break and am getting back into it for a lot of reasons. Yeah, that’s that. Man I’m getting shorter and shorter with these descriptions lol.
Yup, I’m a member of the furry community. So hopefully that doesn’t make you uncomfortable, sorry if it does, but it’s a part of me. I love getting art of my characters as well as writing on them, so stuff like that will find its way here. Be prepared, but again I’ll keep the raunchy stuff in link form only with warnings.
Ok so the backgrounds got shorter and shorter as my patience for writing this did. Honestly, I don’t think you need to know too much more than above, and anything else you’ll probably learn along the way. I mostly just wanted to give you a base to start at!
Ta, I’m off to friends and a fabulous weekend! I should be writing more starting next week, I was kind of stuck on this post for a bit.
Holy cow there are a lot of them…..
I definitely won’t reblog these. I’m just really going to recommend you go there and take a good rummage for previous things.
For those of you interested in any papers I had written on the blog, I will link those:
The rest of the posts are personal updates or writing on my personal spiritual path. While this blog will have quite a bit of that, I’m not the same person I was back then, and thus it would be unfair for me to just dump all the same stuff back upon myself. The reblogs from RestorationNation were all relatively new, but a lot of this is best served as archives.
I may reblog specific posts when they come up, or link to them. Or hell, if it’s just text, I may just straight copy them over, it’s honestly just the photo posts that are a bitch to move.
Ok, I think this is the round up of the past stuff. On to new material!
Seriously though, it really is.
I purchased it on sale about a year ago but never did much with it after playing a character to level 11. It was fun but I had other things to do, honestly, and couldn’t sustain an extra game.
However, about a week and a half ago, a close friend and I started playing the game. He’s a significantly more experienced player and is taking me around and showing me the ropes and what not, and it is the best!
I’m an adorable Sylvari mesmer and I go around slashing things with a magic sword and shooting them with magic bullets, making tricksy shit happen and spawning clones and making rifts in reality with my staff, all the while my friend is smacking the crap out of the enemies at the same time as either a melee or ranged ranger, and we just demolish everything…
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